


Guilt

by Izzu



Series: A chance for unlikely events [1]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-13 08:52:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15360795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Izzu/pseuds/Izzu
Summary: When he became a deviant, it never really started to dawn on him on what it really meant. But now that everything started to calm down, his past deeds would've started catching up to him.And Connor would have a need to make a choice.A reallyimportantchoice.





	Guilt

When he became a deviant, it never really started to dawn on him on what it really  _meant_. Heck, due to the FBI raid and  _him_  trying to escape  _alive_  and helping Markus in saving North; as well as rounding up everyone to escape to safety, he didn't really have much chance to **_really_** think things out.  
  
_But now that everything had settled down..._  
  
Well, perhaps the reason that he was _now_ feeling _**stressed**_ and maybe... an extreme sense of  _guilt_ , was because  _he_  was the  _reason_  why Jericho had been found. Because of him, quite a number of deviant androids had met their _demises_. But Connor  _knew_  that it was not just that.  
  
It's the very fact that he used to be a  _deviant hunter_. And a  _famous_  one, judging from Markus's earlier comment about him. So being _here_... while unsure of how many of the deviants knew of him, made him  _nervous_.  
  
**_He didn't belong here._**  
  
Connor found himself suddenly compelled to let out a slight _wheeze_ even though he didn't really need to  _breathe_  like real humans. Hank was  _ **right**_. It was better off for _everyone_ if Jericho wasn't found.  
  
_Then all this... wouldn't have happened. If he'd just, **not**  find the clues that led to finding Jericho..._  
  
_**But then, would it be fine if he'd just be deactivated?**_  
  
Connor suddenly felt a sense of...  _dread?_ ** _Fear?_**  
  
_"What about you, Connor? Are you afraid to die?"_  
  
/ **Warning** : Stress levels at 25%, increasing./  
  
He hadn't really thought about it back then... or maybe he  ** _did_**. He didn't— _couldn't_  remember if he had already started feeling any kinds of  _real_ ** _emotions_**  back then, but recalling it now...  
  
**_Yes_** _, he's afraid to die._  
  
He thought of the _dead_ androids back at the evidence locker at the DPD as feelings of _guilt_ started to gnaw at him for causing their deaths. He had only been doing what he was  ** _programmed_**  to do, and _that_ led to those androids  ** _dying_**.  
  
_He didn't think he could ever **forgive**  himself over that._  
  
Connor sighed, as he tried to make himself  ** _smaller_** ; standing at the corner of the stage-like construct at the church. He was  ** _aware_**  of how much he didn't _belong_ here. Yet, he had  ** _nowhere_**  else to go.  
  
/ **Warning** : Stress levels at 31%, increasing./  
  
And a part of him felt a strong need to  _ **hide**_  himself  ** _from view_**. Not from Markus, but from some of the  _other_  androids that were already gathered together all around the ruined church. Or more like, just  ** _one_**  android.  
  
He thought that he was _imagining_ it. But when he was trying to climb out from the body of water that they had jumped into to escape from the FBI agents, there was  _someone_  who had helped him out. And his Thirium pump made a sudden  _lurch_  as he looked up towards the android that lent him a hand.  
  
It was  _Daniel_ —no, a  ** _PL600_**  that helped him out. The android was called  **Simon**  and he was one of Markus's closest advisers. Simon definitely had no relation to Daniel yet... to  _Connor_ , that fact didn't change a thing.  
  
_He still ended up thinking about Daniel... and that **dreadful**  hostage situation._  
  
**_"You lied to me, Connor. You lied to me..."_**  
  
Connor winced, as the memory of Daniel's last words to him replayed back in his mind.  
  
**_"Let the girl go, and I promise you won't be hurt!"_**  
  
No, that was not true. That was a lie...  
  
_**"You're not going to die. We're just going to talk."**_  
  
That was a lie too. He only needed to get the other to  _release_  Emma. He was never been told that the deviant would be _spared_ if he let the hostage go free. There was never any  _guarantee_  that Daniel would  ** _not_**  be shot!  
  
**_"Nothing will happen to you, you have my word."_**  
  
Connor could still remember the order of things happening. The bullets hit Daniel's left torso first, and then his right shoulder. Some of the bullets  _ricocheted_  towards Daniel's right cheek and another bullet tore the left side of his face and neck open. Connor could never  _unsee_  how much of  ~~its~~ — _his_ blue blood had been spilt from the poor android's body that night.  
  
**_"Okay, I'll trust you."_**  
  
Connor closed his eyes to drive the image away from his thoughts. As much as Simon was  ** _not_** _Daniel_ , he would not _dare_ to face him. As much as he would try to argue that he wasn't completely at fault—for simply following orders, for acting as he was _programmed_ to do—he couldn't completely _absolve_ himself of this guilt. Those memories of the androids that he himself had inadvertently killed; those memories would not _leave_ him.  
  
_Those **ghosts**  would've never let him  **forget**. _  
  
/ **Warning** : Stress levels at 45%, increasing./  
  
Would there be anything that he could do to _atone_ for this?  
  
/ **Proximity alert!** /  
  
Connor blinked, before looking up to find someone walking towards him. It was  _Markus._  
  
xxx  
  
He _tensed up_ as soon as Markus got near enough to converse with him.  
  
"It's my _fault_... the humans managed to find Jericho. I was **_stupid_**."  
  
He should have realized it sooner. That he was _more_ than the machine that was initially created to hunt the deviants. He should've already taken it into consideration when Kamski implied that he was a deviant as well. He should've _listened_ to Hank.  
  
That, rather than _locating Jericho_ for the sake of _completing his mission_ , he should've just find Jericho _for his own sake_. Not because of his needs to appease Amanda in order to allow him to continue to function, but for him to seek his own _safety_ amongst his _people_. And if he hadn't told Amanda about Jericho... Perkins wouldn't have been able to...  
  
"I should've guessed they were _using_ me..."  
  
Connor straightened up, before facing Markus _directly_. "I'm sorry, Markus. I can understand it if you decide not to trust me..."  
  
Connor _blinked_. For some odd reason, he could see that his stress level had started to decrease slightly. As much as a part of him didn't _desire_ to cease to function right away, the very thought of leaving his fate in Markus's hands felt _reassuring_.   
  
In which Markus's words, later on, surprised him greatly.   
  
"You're one of us now. Your place is with _your people_."  
  
Despite the fact that his life had been spared, Connor didn't feel any better. Even if Markus had forgiven him, he couldn't forgive himself still. He still had a lot to _atone_ to...  
  
And then an idea popped up into his mind as a way he could atone for his crime. A mission. A dangerous one, yet the success of it could benefit Markus's cause and brought them closer to freedom.  
  
"There are thousands of androids at the Cyberlife assembly plant. If we could wake them up, they might join us and shift the balance of power."  
  
Markus made an abrupt turn towards him as the android appeared to be shocked.  
  
"You wanna infiltrate the Cyberlife Tower?" asked the RK200 in disbelief. Markus frowned. "Connor, that's suicide!"

"They trust me..."

He was aware that it was that _dangerous_. Unlike the others, he was created  _specifically_ to serve Cyberlife... and their _interests_. Him doing this would be the worst betrayal that he could do against the organization he was supposed to serve. If he failed, there was only one _**certain**_ outcome that he would inevitably receive.

"...they'll let me in. If _anyone_ has a chance of infiltrating Cyberlife, it's me—"  
  
"If you go there, they will _kill_ you."  
  
"There's a high probability..." Connor let those words hang, as continuing in that line of thoughts would've caused his _own_ stress levels to spike again. He shrugged, "But statistically speaking, there's always a chance for _unlikely_  events to take place."

Connor briefly thought about Hank... and the many things that had happened between them. He remembered how many times during his missions—how his initial calculated analysis turned out _differently_ than he expected. So now he's come to be aware that not everything would end up having a purely _binary_... outcome.

Markus suddenly placed a hand on his shoulder. 

"Be careful,"

Connor could see that Markus has come to accept that he couldn't change his mind. The RK200 walked away to talk to his other allies, possibly to divert his mind over their earlier exchange. 

xxx

Connor took in a long breath of air, before cautiously taking a brief look towards the gathering androids. He let his long-range scanners running, before _recognizing_ a few familiar faces of androids that he used to pursue as well as some others he recalled seeing in the police records. He even spotted Simon, sitting nearby.  
  
Connor hastily slipped away before any of them could notice him.

**Author's Note:**

> This piece had always nagged on me for a while, and I might as well type it out now. Since some stuff would've to affect future interactions for Connor with the other members of Jericho. Also since it'll affect how character interactions in Loose Ends and other future fics would be.


End file.
